31-Dec-2005

Currently Listening
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
see related

30-Dec-2005

Currently Listening
Christmas Eve and Other Stories
By Trans-Siberian Orchestra
see related

30-Dec-2005

Currently Gaming
Day of Defeat
By Activision
see related

29-Dec-2005

Potter Puppet Pals is the best thing to hit the internet since back buttons.

HTML Area is a great tool I've seen for adding to CMS (Content Management System) portions of websites.  Too bad it's discontinued and I can't find a decent replacement for it.  That's why I always try to hang on to original source code for packages such as that.

In Other News...

Last night ruled.  One of the guys that helps out with the college group at First Naz. Nash. had us all over in place of the usual Wednesday night service (which was canceled this week).  Got to see Fantastic 4 for the first time.  Also, I watched part of the group play a game called "Loaded Questions."  That cracked me up.  But, you have to play it with a clean minded group of people.  Some people went south quick with their answers.  It was great just to hang out and chill with some good friends.  Well, time for breakfast (the party was late last night).

~ "The 'W'"

27-Dec-2005

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will
fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort
me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Thank you Father God for looking out for me and showing me your way,
even when you only show me so much that I stumble along.  I want
to fallow you and do your will in this world.

22-Dec-2005

Currently Watching
Norah Jones - Live in New Orleans
By Norah Jones, Nora Jones
see related

20-Dec-2005

Currently Listening
Collide
By Skillet
see related

15-Dec-2005

Currently Listening
Everyday
By Dave Matthews Band
see related

14-Dec-2005

This Suckith

Ok, so screw it all.  I'm gonna fail Systematic and (as far as I
know) ace all my other classes.  Talk about balancing one's focus
evenly.  Oh well.  It was a great semester.  I really
enjoyed classes.  Work isn't half bad either.

My social life is in the works (I think I got something worked out
between me and Mom - it really needed to be addressed).  There's
some other things I'm praying about, but there is only so much that can
happen at once, so I'm waiting for things to work out in time.

So, I have to get to class at 7:30 this morning so I can fail that test
and then present two projects and I'm done.  So glad this semester
is almost over.

11-Dec-2005

I'm not gonna quit.  But I do need to see if I can have more
time.  I should have gotten that CT scan scheduled right away to
get it done and over.  I wanted to wait until after finals, but
now I'm so stressed I can't even look at my books.  I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.  Still wishing I wasn't here.  Life keeps
on kicking (me while I'm down).  I hope no one else ever has to go
through this.

Oh, I also cut the side of my finger tonight while trying to get the
pizza cutter out.  Thank God for fingernales that stop sharp
objects.  Time to get a knife holder for our drawer.  ::adds
knives to list of things in life that suck::

10-Dec-2005

Thus I have completed basic training on the simple usage and
administration of a Linux server.  Now, on to the intermediate
stuff.

I hate finals and I hate school.  I'm so burned out I don't care
that I'm about to fail Systematic Theology II.  I just want to be
done.

Swing dancing is still great, and now that I have better shoes to dance
in, it is a lot of fun.  I just want to get some real swing shoes.

Goodnight all.

7-Dec-2005

Well, I'm gonna get a CT scan next week.  This should
be fun.  This
article has more info on a CT scan (or CAT - Computerized Axial
Tomography).  They're gonna run it just on my head.  This headache
and related symptoms warrant deeper checking, but the doc gave me some meds if
I get another really bad one.  Doc said they are last resort before going
to the hospital.  I've had headaches before, but nothing like
yesterday.  A quite scary experience considering what other conditions
have these symptoms (like a stroke - thus the lack of hesitation in shelling
out a few hundred for a CT scan).  I've realized something as a result of
all this that I need to get worked out before it eats me alive.  I just
don't know how to work it out.  I'm going back to the history of the
situation and I know where it comes from, but I don't know how to fix it or
even bring it up without offending the person involved.  Oh well. 
It's on hold till after finals.  Everything is.  I don't even know if
I'll be dancing this weekend.  This sucks.  I don't need all this
crap right now.  More later...

7-Dec-2005

Oh fun.  I go to the doctor today.  We're gonna
see if I should get a CAT scan.  I've had a migraine since about 11
yesterday preceded by some unusual symptoms.  Today is a consultation
visit recommended by the school doctor.  I like Baptist Hospital . 
They have a cool series of buildings and I like the walkways between.  I
hate the timing.  There's always something like this right around
something major that I have to do like finish that paper for Dr.
Spaulding.  I don't even care about that class anymore.  I'm just so
tired of trying all semester long.  I don't feel like my college career
was worth the price it cost.  I couldn't have gotten this exact education
anywhere else, but then, did I really need it at all?  Not in the computer
industry.  And that's what bothers me.  I'll be in a better mood this
time next week (when all my finals are over).

I'm just too worn out, and I can't meet the deadlines I've been given. 
I'm now going to spend the rest of the week working on a 10 page book
review.  I'm again at that place where I'd rather be 6 feet under. 
Funny how almost none of this will matter when I'm dead (health obviously is no
longer an issue, and education - except where it pertains to God and Christian
living - doesn't mean a thing).  I hope I haven't wasted my life on
another societal mandate.

I wanna cuss.

5-Dec-2005

Currently Watching
Gulliver's Travels
see related

3-Dec-2005

Currently Listening
The Ultimate Big Band Theme Collection
By Various Artists
see related

29-Nov-2005

Currently Listening
Achtung Baby
By U2
One
see related

27-Nov-2005

Currently Listening
Currier & Ives Christmas
By Various Artists
see related

25-Nov-2005

Currently Listening
Train
By Train
see related

24-Nov-2005

line-flec-line-flec-line-flec...

That is me doing something to stay wake yesterday while drving from
Nashville, TN to Durham, NC (line, reflecor, line, reflector...). 
Took me about 8.75 hours to finish the trip.  I stopped twice (and
the first time was only because after sitting there for 30 minutes to
go five miles, I needed to get rid of some stress and road rage and
also needed to go a little).  I was not in a good mood to sit in a
car by myself, and let's just say I took more than a few chances (btw,
I was returning my roommate's movie to a rental store and found a great
place to get airborne on some railroad tracks on East Thomson
Lane).  I was so tired when I got in, that I just wanted to
sleep.  So, that's what I did.

I need a lot of sleep.  I'm tired, and can't wait to get done with
school and on with life.  In time, things will be how I dream them
to be...

Can't think of anything more to write, I'm going back to sleep.

23-Nov-2005

Father God, why am I doing this?
~ Your child, Daryl

21-Nov-2005

So Sick... (in more ways that one)

I slept from the time I signed off yesterday (around 16:00 CST) to
06:30 CST this morning.  that's about 14 hours when you take out
the three times I woke up (but only for 10 minutes each time).  It
felt so good to sleep that long, but I feel even less rested than
before because I have an assignment due in my 1:40 class that I am
close to being done, but need more time on.  This is gonna be a
quick update.

I think I know why no matter how much sleep I get, I can't get any
rest.  Stress is killing me.  Litterally.  I work and
work and work and don't make much progress on any of my
assignments.  I've still got that Systematic paper to do and a
final project to wrap up in HCI.  JavaScript has another final
project we are getting today (we ended the last project on
Friday).  And Church History is just gone.  We had a test
Thursday, and I again didn't have time to study because of the projects
I'm working on.  Can I quit now?  The thought of it all being
over in 2.5 weeks does not make me happy.  I'm just beat. 
You sometimes hit that point where you get your second wind, but I hit
that 2 weeks ago, and it didn't do any good.  I'm about to just
drop from the exhaustion.

That's why I'm taking my own breaks.  The hike was so great. 
I needed it.  The movie Saturday was good too, and the time in
Opryland Hotel was fun as well.  I really wanted to go to the
cookout at Brent's new place, and I miss swing dancing (which we did a
little in one of the hallways at the hotel because they where playing
some Christmas jazz), but I did not have the energy or will to drive
that much.  I was just too tired.  Sorry to everyone who was
expecting me to be there.  I'll try again in two weeks.  For
now, I'll be greatful for the little bit of money I saved on gas (now
that prices are coming down again).

So, Wednesday I leave for North Carolina.  I'm gonna stop by Ju's
place and see everyone there if they have the time.  I'm also
dropping two people in Ashville on my way there and bringing them back
to school on the return trip.  Gonna be a long drive, but at least
I have traveling buddies.  Sure, I don't know them, but they need
a ride, and I need to not go crazy.

I'm gonna go do homework now.

20-Nov-2005

So, life still sucks and I'm still tired.

But there's good news.  This morning was so cool.  Meg,
Amber, and I went out to Ceders of Lebanon and hiked the 5 mile loop in
about 2.5 hours.  We had a 30 minute stop at a cave we crawled a
little ways back into, so the total time on the trail was 3
hours.  We're wanting to go back just for the caving in the one
explorable one we found.  The only thing that stopped us was the
lack of a flash light.  I've got rules about safety on
hikes.  We were about to crawl back farther, but I didn't want one
of us to wind up getting hurt to where that person wouldn't be able to
get back out the narrow opening we had to slide through on our stomachs
to get in.  We'll do it again some time when we have the gear for
it - flashlights.  Some pads would be nice too.  We'll see
what we can do.

So, I don't feel bad about missing church, but I didn't realize how
much it defines my week.  It feels like Saturday.  Oh well, I
just can't forget class tomorrow.

Ok, laptop battery needs a charge and I need sleep.

17-Nov-2005

Currently Listening
Songs & Prayers
By Taize
see related

15-Nov-2005

Do you ever have one of those days when you wish you could just die?

13-Nov-2005

Woo hoo!  I've been on xanga for one year and a day today. 366
days of logs, thoughts, and other random things.  I like xanga,
but not enough to pay for it.  As I posted in my last entry, I am
saving up money.

I have more things to say, but you'll have to ask me in person if you
want to hear any of them.  I'm not in the mood to say it online
right now, but I do want other people to hear about it.

Daryl Weekly

Currently Listening
Fallen
By Evanescence
Bring Me to Life
see related

1-Nov-2005

Crap.  I've been tagged.  I'm trying to take my mind off of some other stuff so I'll do this now.

Answers:

10 YEARS AGO: 1995
I think this is around the time my family was off on one of those vacations we would have every couple of years.  I loved and miss those.
I was 9 and enjoying life.

5 YEARS AGO: 2000
Laughing at everyone who was worried about Y2K.  I'm not a nice guy :)
Started at PBAC (now U).  Had to keep showing my permit to prove I was only 15.

1 YEAR AGO: Nov. 2004
Getting to know a group of friends here at TNU.
Mom moved up to Madison after getting remarried over Thanksgiving.  I can't believe it's almost been two years since my dad passed away.  It feels like it's bee so much longer, and yet so short.

YESTERDAY: Monday, I hate Mondays.
I was sick all day from a very cold camping trip over the weekend.  I rested all day.  Seriously, thats all I did.

SNACKS I ENJOY:
Those peanut butter crackers
Granola bars
Ice cream
PB&J (yeah, it's only a snack)
Ham and Cheese (see above comment)

SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO:
What's a song? Oh, ok, I'll try:
Almost everything by Coldplay
A lot of Wierd Al
Good old Nazarene hymns
Happy Birthday and seasonal songs...

WHAT I WOULD DO WITH 100 MILLION DOLLARS:
Run away to Mexico for a very long time
-or-
Tithe, pay taxes , and start my own farm or business (or both)

5 PLACES I WOULD RUN AWAY TO:
Ukraine
Canada (in case of a draft in the loft...)
China (yeah, find me there!)
Japan or around Churnoble (free radiation treatment in case I ever get cancer)
A polar region

5 THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR:
Can't think of anything.  Take that however you want, but just don't get dirty.

FAVORITE TV SHOWS:
Family Guy
Futurama
Sci-fi Fridays (all three shows)
Anything Trek
Random stuff (I have issues with a TV addiction, I think.  I plan to not have one when I'm on my own)

BAD HABITS:
Eternal Optimisim (and wanting people to actually live it out)
Always wanting to help (when I never have the time)
Nails - working on that one

5 BIGGEST JOYS:
Number one is out right now.  Prayer would be nice for God's leading in this.
Family
Friends
Hiking/Camping/Outdoors/Farm Life
Computers

PEOPLE I TAG TO DO THIS:
Laura M, pknaz, everyone in CIT (who is willing)

1-Nov-2005

Dang, need to update.  This weekend was Fab 5 or F^5 or the
Fabulous Festival of Fun Fall Frolicking (no it's not as bad as it
sounds).  We went out Friday night to the farm of a family in the
church for a weekend of relaxing and fun.  Only problem was the
ambient temperature.  It got down to 27 degrees that night which
is a bit cold if you don't have the gear for it.  Most of us had
at least one part freeze over night (my feet woke me up early to get
out of the tent and to a fire quick).  That was the worst of it,
and now Laura and I are getting over being sick all weekend.  It
was worth it though.  All morning Saturday, 4 of us took turns on
the ATVs.  There were some really nice jumps on a few of the hills
there and I gotta say I could have a lot of fun with one of those once
I get a place of my own.

Speaking of, I want a nice farm with acerage
somewhere in the double digits.  I'm shooting for a couple of dogs
(with at least one that likes to go running), and two horses (calm and
good for riding).  As far as other animals, we'll just have to
wait and see, but goats and rabbits are also in mind along with
chickens (which have a minus for the noise) and ducks in a pond.

Well,
enough dreaming.  Now that I'm feeling mostly better, I've gotta
get on that homework that I needed to do over the weekend while I was
sick.  I'll post again soon when I have more to write about.

27-Oct-2005

Currently Listening
Indiana Jones Trilogy
see related

19-Oct-2005

Dang stupid stress.  I have ANOTHER test tomorrow.  And homework due tonight.  What do I do?  Read for the test?  Get the homework done?  Skip church (and walk out on everyone expecting me to run PowerPoint)?  Pull another late night?

I'm ready for Thanksgiving break (because I'm gonna go see my nephew for the first time and Laura's coming with me)!

I was just sitting here in the caf (after talking to Freddy about the poor state of the Hub Exchange program) and looking out the window when I saw the way the sun was behind a cloud and all I could think about is the following line of a song we used to sing in my church back home:

 Oh the deep deep love of Jesus
vast unmeasured, boundless, free!

Somehow, nothing else really means much in comparison to that.  I'm thankful for moments to stop and realize that even if I flunk all my classes and don't graduate and my entire life falls apart, I'm still a part of something so big no one can understand it or destroy it.

18-Oct-2005

Currently Listening
Nickel Creek
By Nickel Creek
see related

11-Oct-2005

Of Updates and Time

Alas, the semester is in full swing and I am low on free time.  I'm having a hard time keeping up with homework and TV is really becoming an issue.  I don't want to have a TV in my apartment when I graduate because I have better things to do with my time than sit there and stare at a little black box with a flashing screen.  I prefer white boxes that I can interact with (computers).

Speaking of, I finally got that small hard drive I was needing to get a linux box up and running.  Now I can't find my linux CDs.  I had a ton of distros and reorganized that CD wallet over the summer.  As a result, I can't find any of the older distros, and that computer doesn't have a DVD drive, so I can't instal Debian on it from the DVDs I made this summer.  I'll work on  that another day.

Laura's family is really cool.  Reminds me of my family (pre dad's passing) a lot.  I feel at home there and enjoyed getting to spend Sunday with them.

Well, time for lunch.  TTYL!

3-Oct-2005

I would blog, but I'm too mad to say anything publicly right now. 

22-Sep-2005

Two Items of Importance:

1. Doctor's appt. went well, but I'm not a fan of having scopes in my colon.  The doctor said everything was fine (the Valium had me quite out of it, so I didn't really care what was going on until the discomfort of having my lower digestive tract blown up like an air balloon hit).  Now I just have to learn how to eat again.  You know, it really felt good to not eat for two days, and I really had a lot more time with not going to the caf.

2. Ok, enough with the cryptography.  Regarding my Monday 19th post : I'm officially dating Laura Myers.  We've had a few dates and things are going well.  Last night was fun messing with the college pastor at first church.  I just gotta say that Laura is great.  Those of you who where wondering why I've been smiling so much lately... well, now you know.  More updates l8r.

22-Sep-2005

Currently Listening
A Rush of Blood to the Head
By Coldplay
see related

19-Sep-2005

Currently Listening
X&Y
By Coldplay
see related

10-Sep-2005

Currently Watching
Swing Kids
By Robert Sean Leonard, Christian Bale
see related

5-Sep-2005

Currently Listening
Everyday
By Dave Matthews Band
see related

26-Aug-2005

I'm back on campus.  I'm happy, but can't really show it.  I don't know why, but I haven't been feeling good today.  I feel sick, and it doesn't feel temporary.  I was barely able to eat anything, and my stomach has bothered me all afternoon.  Gonna go see the doc tomorrow if I can find him (I think he's on campus on Saturdays).  Please pray.  Thanks.

23-Aug-2005

There and Back Again: a Student's Holiday

Hey!  I made the drive in 17.5 hours (including the 4 stops I made along the say).  Mrs. L: thanks for the snacks and food to eat along the way; it was all very good.  I made three gas stops, and the other stop was around noon for lunch.  On one stretch, I got gas at 2 pm and didn't stop until I needed gas again at 8 pm.  I'm feeling confident about my abilities to drive, and am thankful that God kept me safe.  At one point in Missouri, there was a 6 or car/tractor trailer accident that I saw something like 7 emergency vehicles responding to.  I pray everyone was ok.  Traveling is dangerous.  It's also long.  And I'm done for a good while .  See you all at school!

21-Aug-2005

"I'm freakin' out, man" - Super Troopers

I'm never ever going  to watch that full movie ever again.  And I don't reccomend you do eather.  Get an edited version that has the bad stuff filtered out ( www.cleanfilms.com ).  But this line has big signifigance for me.  I am.  Tomorrow I attempt to drive back to Nashville in one day instead of two.  it is a 1200 mile trip that should take around 18 hours.  I plan to be off at 6:00 AM and if I don't have to stop and sleep, I'll be in Nashville at 1:00 AM the next day.  Right now, I'm planning to stop for a half hour of sleep or more towards the evening as a refresher.  That will slow me down, but I just want to get there and get the drive over with.  I'm gonna have DVDs going the entire time to listen to along with the 60+ CDs I have.

I'll also be making calls if it doesn't seem to early or late to talk.  If you want to give me some company, feel free to call.  My cell is on the ICE page if you are a TNU student.  Otherwise, you should either have my number or can call my ma and get the digits from her.  Don't have her number? Ouch.  You might be out of luck this go around.

I just finished laundry.  Now I remember why I hate dressing up.  You have to wash the stuff and then iron it.  So much work.  Glad I'm not a gal.  That would be more than I could take.  To worry about looking nice all the time and try to impress people...  Us guys can establish that we don't care, and then make a look out of that and everyone thinks we're so cool.  More like lazy bums with no proper training.  That's why I found some clothes that don't need as much care.  That's what I like to wear.  Let's face it.  Sometimes I just get too busy with school, work, helping fix student computers, and all the other things I do from time to time.  I'm working on learning to say no, but it's hard.  And beyond that, there are some times when the Christian thing gets in the way of the social/personal thing.  It's hard to know what to do.  But I know some things have to come first, so I have priorities and orders for things to get done in to make sure everything is done in order.

I'm so tired.  I'm gonna go get some sleep before finishing backing and loading the car.  I'll let you all know when I get into Nashville.

[edit] It is 5:00 AM Monday and I'm leaving in one hour.  Pray for me on the road.  And call if you get a chance .  I did the final gas stop/time planning last night.  It's gonna take me over 20 hours with no sleep stop, and there are no decent Sam's Club gas stations in Kanses.  Post @ you on the other side! [/edit]

20-Aug-2005

Currently Listening
Parachutes
By Coldplay
see related

19-Aug-2005

Wow.  I'm sitting here waiting as my reviewers go over my documentation.  I just spent the last four hours and fifteen minutes presenting the "in"s and "out"s of my demo config of the system.  I felt confident going into it, and now, I don't know how I feel.  I'm mostly glad it's over.  I don't know how hard the scoring is, so I'm not sure what I'm going to get (out of 100 points).  Why do I feel like I just spent all summer in school and now I'm waiting for my final grade?  I think I basically did. 

Well, not sure when I'll find out how I did.  But, as I sit here now, all I can think about is how much I want to be back in Nashville with friends, dancing, playing games, working in CIT, and how much I'm gonna miss eveyone here at CXUSA, and the people I've spent time with out here in Denver.  Amazing how you can not want to do something you want to do so much.  That's how it was for me at the start of the summer, and it's the same now.  It's the same every time I make a major change, like my sister leaving.  I miss her, but I'm so glad she gets to do this.  I think I'm ready to settle.  Find a good job (if this one doesn't work out), get a home, and start thinking seriously about a family.  I'm sad that it feels like my life has gone so fast.  I'm ready for some lack of change for a little while.  Then I can go travel the world or something.  But for now, I want some peace and quite.  A little solitude, and a lot of friendship.  Something that resembles a calm, steady life.

And done.  They just told me I'm free to go.  Thus ends my summer of training and work at CXUSA.  Nashville, here I come on Monday.

15-Aug-2005

Currently Watching
Gods and Generals
By Jeff Daniels, Stephen Lang, Robert Duvall
see related

13-Aug-2005

What Are You Smoking?

Ok, I can't keep this quiet.  I just went out to grab lunch, and as I was unlocking the office door to get back in, some guy pulling up to the light yelled out "QUEER!"  I think he was talking to me (because I didn't see anyone else as I looked around).  I just have to stop and ask, "What do you mean by that?  Do you mean homosexual?  I'm not.  Do you mean stupid/retarded/handicap?  I may be stupid sometimes, but that's as close as I get.  Do you mean weird?  OH YEAH I AM!"  And I'm proud of it.  Don't mess with "The 'W'", I'll show you a thing or two... 

So, here's a shout out to all you friends out there who are weird just like me.  I would hate for us to all be the same.

13-Aug-2005

Currently Listening
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
By Howard Shore, Enya
see related

5-Aug-2005

Currently Listening
Waiting for My Rocket to Come
By Jason Mraz
see related

3-Aug-2005

Odd Sense of Humor

So, I'm following the shuttle missions as closely as possible.  During a phone call with the Shuttle Discovery and International Space Station crew from President Bush, Commander Collins said in reply to thanks from the president, "We believe in our mission, and in getting people off Earth."

First of all, I didn't know life on Earth was so bad.  I mean, with all the wars, terrorists, and democrats, I still don't really want to leave all that much.  I would love to go to Heaven, but Mars isn't a stop on the way in my book (right now).

[rant]

Second, I do know what she really meant (exploration and such), but some people think the earth won't last much longer (couple million more years or so) or that we are over crowded (like China, but they seem to be doing ok so far - could do without birth restrictions though, they aren't needed over there).  It really isn't that bad.  I don't think humans will be around long enough to need a new home planet, and population is easy enough to take care of - (I know this sounds coldhearted , but it's just life in a fallen world) natural disasters are doing okay on their own.  We don't need to kill our children.

[/rant]

Keep up the exploration, NASA.  I would like to visit Mars.  I just don't know about living there long term yet.  But who knows.

2-Aug-2005

You had to be there...

The three of us that work in the same room of our office where talking about the power going out causing traffic lights near our office to not work a few weeks back.  This reminded me of natural disasters and how they cause similar events.  I mistakenly said "you" when referring to "Mother Nature," so Matthew (of Common Sense Commentary)  corrected me, at which point I said "it."  He proceeded to comment about how people say "it" rather than "she" because we don't want to refer to nature as feminine.

I retorted, "That is not the reason.  Feminists get angry when we blame it on a woman."

We all had a good laugh, but you would have had to been there for the precise timing of the events.  Also, this comment was based out our particular views of the feminist movment, so if you don't share our views, you might be offended.   Heh heh heh.

Ok, I've wasted 44.58 seconds of your day.  Have a good one and I'll give you something worth reading later...  

A friend's shirt reads:  "I'm not closed minded, you're just wrong."
Other shirt reads:  "Doing my part to anger the liberal left."

26-Jul-2005

"You are go for liftoff"

For those of you who do not follow space exploration, today was the first launch of the Space Shuttle in over two years.  Like the Challenger accident, the Columbia accident caused major questions to be asked about whether or not it is worth it going to space.  Well, the answer is of course a resounding YES!  We just need to do things a little differently.  And now we do.  The launch of Space Shuttle Discovery this morning at 10:39 EDT from Cape Canaveral begins a re-supply mission to the International Space Station that will involve many hours of testing of new procedures and safety features on the shuttle system and in particular, a redesign of the External Tank (ET) and Orbiter.  All we can do is learn from our past mistakes and make sure they don't happen again.

You see, I believe that people where meant to always seek things outside themselves.  That is how God made us.  We have a desire to know Him better and to seek Him out.  Many people think that space is just exploration and has nothing to do with God.  But I disagree.  I think understanding God's creation is part of knowing Him.  So, I would give my life in an accident such as the past three well know missions (Apollo 1, Challenger, Columbia ), because each time, we learn more about space and what we need to change.  Plus, I wouldn't mind getting to Heaven a little early.

Ok, done preachin' ... for now.

14-Jul-2005

I hate my life, but I love it too.
I don't like what I'm doing, but I do.
I feel depressed, but I'm happy and content with almost everything.
Basically, I just can't figure it out.
Life's being that way right now.

I'm having a great time out here in Denver.  Tonight is another Halo 2 match...  Fun times for all.  It starts earlier than last time, so I can get to bed at a decent hour.  I really don't know of any reason to be unhappy other than one problem in my life God hasn't chosen to resolve for quite a few years now (something that's been going on for 5+ years now).  I've done everything I can think to on my end in addition to praying about it a lot.  I guess I'm just not happy with where I am.  I want to move on in my relationship with God, but I'm stuck on this one thing.  So yeah, I think that might be why I'm down.  But it doesn't make sense to me.

In Other News

I've been thinking about my family and friends, but in a healthy way.  I could be wishing I was there now, but I know I'll be seeing them soon enough, and I'm enjoying my stay here in Denver and hanging out with people here rather than sulking about the people who aren't here.  Sure, I miss everyone, but I'm here right now, and that is where I am.  To those who aren't here, I'll see you asap; to those who are, lets have some fun before I leave! 

9-Jul-2005

Currently Listening
Songs About Jane
By Maroon 5
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7-Jul-2005

Currently Watching
Meet Joe Black
By Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins
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3-Jul-2005

Currently Watching
Swing Kids
By Robert Sean Leonard, Christian Bale
see related

27-Jun-2005

Well, we got back from the hike at 21:30 MST last night. It was a long day.

These figures are as close as I know them to be.  I will post the official report when it comes out (I don't have a GPS unit, but the father who put the trip together had his). 

We got to Snowmass Village a little after  08:00 and had breakfast with the girls.  We packed up the luggage from the room, and repacked the gear we were going to hike with based on the weather.  I was carying a 25 lb. pack for the day.  When all was said and done, we got going some time around 10:00 or so and finished up the hike after 15:00.  We started at just over 9,000 foot elevation and stopped at the 10,200 foot hump.  The ski lift that was supposed to take us up to that point so we could hike the final 3,000 feet was closed for another week, and that first 1,000 was the hardest part of the climb that we had planned.  I was not ready for the near 45 degree land with loose rock that we chose to climb straight up rather than stay on the bike trails we started out on.  I'll be sore for the next week most likely.

All in all, it was a good hike, and though we didn't make the top, it was good exercise and I now have an idea of what to work on in prep for the next hike.  When my body recovers, I'm going to load up my pack with 30-40 lbs. of weight and walk for a few hours every couple of days.  The pack is great and I plan to keep it.  Also, my new hiking boots worked out perfectly, I don't have any blisters (even though I didn't have enough time to properly break them in). 

26-Jun-2005

Currently Listening
Feels Like Home
By Norah Jones
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18-Jun-2005

So I'm busy, sue me.  Actually, please don't.  I'm not exactly rich.  But God provides what I need, and I still get a little extra from time to time.

I finally did some real thinking while I was on the Ukraine trip.  This thing I was thinking about isn't anything new; I've known it all along.  After all, you don't just miss something like this.  But you can deny it and ignore it.  And that is what I've been doing my entire life.  But one night, I sat down to have a talk with my sister on that trip.  She is so great.  Here I thought I was going to be the one to help her out if she needed it, but after we got talking, the focus turned to me and my problem.  You see, I'm selfish.  I'm about as selfish as they come.  And it's nothing new.  That is why I won't date right now, and haven't ever dated.  I knew I had things I needed to work out first, but I didn't know what they were.  I just knew God was telling me to wait.  And that is hard because of this selfishness.

I can't help but thing about myself first.  But I've been working on that ever since I realized it, and staying with this large family this summer has been a big help.  You see, even if it is playing a game, it is realizing that I don't have to win for it to be fun.  The point is to play.  And when there are this many people around (the family has 11 member living under one roof, and I am number 12), I am learning that me and my time are not my own.  I live in relationship with everyone I come in contact with.  I have a responsibility to be an example to the younger members, and to help the parents and older siblings.  It's like having little brothers and sisters that I get to help at meals when the milk is too heavy, even though I really want a bite of my toast.  Sure, I don't want to spend an hour washing dishes for that many people, but I ate too, and when everyone else has their jobs, I need to do what I can to help.  Sure, I'd rather watch a DVD or chat with friends, but I can't always do what I want.  In fact, I need to be sure that I don't do that much at all, because there is always someone who could use a hand, no matter where I am.

This past semester I was "too busy" to help as many people with computer problems at school.  Ha, that's a joke.  I need to learn to be more focused and that I don't need to do as much for my own enjoyment.  Things that matter like staying in shape will continue this comming school year, but things that don't, like playing games online or watching TV must be kept to a minimum if done at all.  I need to find ways to get my focus off of myself and onto those who God has placed in my life and me in theirs.  I live in community, but I haven't done a very good job so far...

That's my prayer request.

10-Jun-2005

Currently Watching
The Lord of the Rings - The Motion Picture Trilogy (Special Extended DVD Edition)
By Elijah Wood
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5-Jun-2005

Currently Playing
Amazing Grace: Bagpipes & Drums of Scotland
By Various Artists
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4-Jun-2005

Currently Watching
Force 10 from Navarone
By Robert Shaw, Harrison Ford, Edward Fox, Franco Nero
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2-Jun-2005

Lets try this again.  I got on last night to blog, and never had time to finish what I was typing.  I'm gonna keep it short so I can cover all the bases.  Details to come.  Dana graduated May 7th from TNU (the semester is finally over).  She and I along with 19 other people from TNU left on the 9th for the Ukraine missions trip.  We did demolition and house visits and got to work with a children's home.  Flew back on the 20th (I was sick for the last half of the missions trip and the flight was no acception - I'll not go into details of how many bags I used... ok, you talked me into it.  It was 5).  Then I had a week and a half to get unpacked, sorted, and repacked to drive out to Denver.  I finally found a car (with a lot of help from Mom and Richard).  It is a 2002 Ford Taurus (with 93,000 miles on it after the 1200 mile drive out here).  I'm now in Denver staying with a family of 11.  It's so nice to play games with younger people.  I'm working at Computronix (computer stuff - info systems design).  That Info Tech degree is helping out more than I thought it would.  I'll be here till August 22nd when I drive back to Nashville.  Leave comments about what you want to hear more about...  More news later, I'm off to bed.

4-May-2005

Currently Playing
Fallen
By Evanescence
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22-Apr-2005

Work

Man, life is hard.   Something really bad happened at work yesterday.   Right now, it is the second to last think I needed to hear about my job, though it isn't any better than the worst thing I could have heard.   I've learned a lot about this school and how it works.

I'm really glad I took that position out in Denver this summer.   I was considering applying for summer RA here and working in CIT full time.   I found out yesterday that that wouldn't be possible, but I had already decided to go to Denver a month or two ago.   I can see the hand of God in directing me to pursue Denver and not stay here.   He knew what was coming and as usual was taking care of me.

Due to some reorganization of technology responsibilities on campus, my boss got laid off yesterday.   As a result, at the end of this term, my position no longer exists (I have about two weeks left).   I'm going to see if ITS (who is now responsible for web development) will have a position for me to do support for current sites and possibly develop anything new that is needed.   I don't know if they plan on hiring someone else to do web development or if they are going to farm it all out.   That will probably have a lot to do with whether or not they could use a student worker.

This is an exhausting ordeal.   I don’t know what I’m going to do next year if ITS doesn’t have a need for me.   I don’t know what I’ll do next summer when I graduate if the temporary position I have this summer doesn’t pan out.   All I know is that God will provide.   He has before, and I know He’ll continue.

Sidebar: for security reasons, when my boss left, passwords were changed.   I can’t access things I need to finish my work.

Pattern?

My life seems to be a pattern of one event after another.   About the time that I get over one problem (my last few blogs), another fills the empty space.   God has given me the grace to deal with each situation as it comes, but lately, I’ve had so much pressure with final projects, the end of the semester, and now this situation, I just want a break from it all.   I wish time could pause and I could stop and do nothing.   Absolutely nothing.   Sit around.   And perhaps a few fun things.   Swing dancing, working out, fly a kite, go to the beach, take pictures…

It’s Dead

My camera died sometime in the past few months.   I think the shutter is sticking.   I took 44 pictures at a student’s senior recital.   When I got the rolls developed and looked that the negatives, there were 26 pictures in all.   Talk about mortality rate.   When I take pictures, between 10% and 25% turn out really well.   I lost have of them, so about 5% to 12.5% will be good (statistically).   I wanted a new camera.   This one isn’t worth getting fixed.   Here’s my excuse.

Other News

My group project in E-Commerce is really coming along.   All that is left is the shopping cart and checkout sections of the site.   Those will be time consuming to write and get working properly, but the site will be complete and will look great.   We put the header image in it last night.   Very nice, clean look.   The menu should be done today or tomorrow.   Pop that in, finish the two last sections and bang.   One final project down, one to go.   Then I can work in the 10 page paper and take home final.   I’m making progress, and the goal seems a little more achievable, but I still want to quit.   Too bad I’m a fighter and refuse to give up.   One day, that will be the death of me.

18-Apr-2005

Man, if I have children down the road, I wonder how messed up they'll think I am when they read this stuff.  It feels like I have all the answers some times, but my life proves that I don't.

It would be cool if you could buy a book from Xanga that had five years' worth of blogs or so in it from your journal.  I think it would make a nice gift to my children.  A sort of story of my life for them to read when they start going through the same things.  That way they can read ahead and see how my story turns out and from that, have hope that theirs will too.

17-Apr-2005

On Life, Liberty , and the Pursuit of, Well, Happiness

So, I'm alive, and I'm free to the extent that I need to be.  Am I happy?  This is rather hard to answer.  I'm intellectually satisfied with the choices I've made.  But not emotionally.  I know it's where I need to be right now.  I'm three years ahead in school, but the rest of my life is somewhere behind that.  I'm a senior in college at 18.  Let's just say being around so many other people that date and such has made me tired of being on the outside of those relationships.  I've tried my hand at more serious friendships, and have learned a lot about how unready I am.

Yeah, I'm a fairly normal guy as far as my internal motivations.  I'm designed to want to be a husband and father.  But for now, I'm putting all that on hold.  I'm doing everything I can to keep from getting too close to any girl right now because I've got some personal issues to work out with Dad passing away and all.  A lot of this stuff has just come up in the past week.  I realized that some things you can't just get over.  There's things that some of my friends do that remind me of some things about my dad I don't want to think about.  I know I can't suppress these things (letting it build up screws up a lot of people).  I've spent a lot of time thinking about these memories and talking to a psychologist and family members.

I don't think that there is a set process you an go through to work these things out.  I just take the time to think and write about them and over time, ideas come to me and things start to make sense.  Talking helps.  Time is a big factor.  It can take me months to understand some of these things I'm dealing with.  And I can see myself maturing through the whole process.  But maturity only comes with time and experience.  Right now, I'm just trying to finish the semester and get the summer started on the right foot.  That's why I'm keeping distance from everyone.

Some day I'll be ready to date/court.  That day isn't today, and I don't have the slightest clue when it might show up.  I'm just praying that God would show me things I can do to mature and that when the time comes, He'll make sure I don't miss any opportunities.  I tend to be slow when it comes to His lessons for me, so I'm just doing the best I can.

Social Experiments:

I don't recommend this, but I tried something the past few weeks.  I stopped making an effort to keep in touch with many of my friends.  I did my best to not ignore them when they were around, but didn't go out of my way to find them or chat/call as usual.  The idea is that I would find out who my true friends are (they should call to check up on me because they noticed I hadn't been around as much).

Heh.   This part hurts.

Well, either this doesn't work, or I don't have any friends.  Not one person in the test group I was focusing on tried to contact me in any way that required any effort.  I even invited one to join me at dinner in the caf one night.  This person said sure, and then went and sat with someone else.  Yeah.  I feel welcomed.  It took me about two months to work out the fact that a relationship on any level (family, friend, acquaintance...) only works if both people put the same amount of effort into it.  I don't mean to be rude, but I feel down right insulted and mistreated.

Yeah, I’m angry at the world and under a lot of stress.   I’m probably blowing some of this out of proportion, but the following really bothered me:

I'm reading the book Bonding: Relationships in the Image of God by Dr. Donald M. Joy.  In just the little that I've read so far, it talks about the network of closest relationships one must have to be healthy socially and emotionally.  Well, a normal person will have 20-30 strong relationships (this includes immediate family, extended family, life long friends, and geographical friends such as coworkers, social clubs, and other friends that change when you move/change jobs).  At a glance, I have 10 that I can think of right now, perhaps 12-15 if I relax the rules.  I have a small immediate family, extended family doesn't really make a big effort to stay in touch, a few people at work/school that I know well enough, and only one person in my life long group right now (and he is my mentor).  I'm a little sad that so few people take an interest in me, when I've invested so much time and effort into them.

I'm sorry if this bothers anyone who considers him/herself my friend and doesn't think they're included above.  If you think I'm mistaken, take some time to talk to me about it.  I will gladly change my mind about you if you show me you do care and aren't just saying hi when you walk by (I consider that the level of acquaintance).  When you really take a minute to go out of your way to stay in touch or go catch a social event with me, that shows me you care.   I’m not saying you have to change your life completely.   I’m just saying from time to time, it’s nice to know I pop into your mind when I’m not standing right in front of you.   Sure, I think about you when you are right there on the sidewalk, but do I think about you when I’m washing dishes or driving to church?   Do I ever wonder how your day is going or think about sending you a note when you're not around?  I do, do you?

Is anyone out there?

12-Apr-2005

I appologize now to everyone who doesn't want to hear this.

There are many morons in this world.  It makes me depressed.  I posted a simple thread that didn't point at anyone about how there are two main practices that bother me about how some students drive - backing up on a one way street and parking in the middle of the road and putting emergency signal on thinking that makes it ok.  A few people have been/almost been seriously injured because students don't know how to back up correctly, let alone backing up in the wrong places.  Did  anyone listen?  HA HA HA.  Actually, a few people agree, but no one posted seriously.  There was one comment agreeing with me, but the whole car bomb joke at the end sort of ruins anyone taking him seriously.  I didn't.

This is sad.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm attending here because that is where my parents would pay for me to go.  I'm not happy with a lot of things at this school, and I don't see them getting better in the next 10 years, let alone before I graduate.  I really like my job here, I'm enjoying two of my classes this semester, and I've made friends, but the rest of life is really not going very well.  I really need summer to get here.  I want a break.  Most of all, I want to get away.  And I need major sleep right now.

10-Apr-2005

I should blog more often.

As you all will note, I'm up rather late.  Reason being that after we left swing dancing tonight, we all went to Steak 'n Shake (or however that is spelled).  I like everyting about the place, other than the incredibly slow service.  I'm told it is like that at every store, but I don't know.  That was my first time.

Dancing was so much fun.  There where about 20 people there from Trevecca.  We are definitly on our way to being able to start a club here.  I look forward to it.

In Other News

I look forward to this opportunity to work at a great company this summer.  But it is so far away from home and Nashville.  The highest concentrations of people I know halfway decently are in those two places right now.  And I could have worked it out to stay in Nashville, I think.  I would love to stay here, dance in the park at their summer events, keep up my swing lessions, be around a lot of the people I know (including family), find some good camping/hiking parks, and work down in CIT.

I guess I'm just tired of change.  I want things to all fall into place and not have to worry about big decisions.  I'm exhausted and really want a break from it all.  When I'm not in school, I'm working.  When I'm not working or in school, I manage to get sick.  Life's kicking me while i'm down still trying to figure out life without a dad here on Earth.  Everything is different now.  Holidays, remembering him being born and passing away in March, wishing I had him around to talk about his experiences at Trevecca and compare stories - all these things make me wonder what life would have been like had things been different.  But they weren't different.  They were exactly the way they where.  And the hardest thing for me to figure out is what now.  I wish I knew how it all panned out in the end, but I don't.  People say the point of life is that it is a surprise.  I don't like surprises so much.  I like to know that something is going to happen at a specific time and in a particular way.  That is one reason I like programming.  When I write a web application to do something a specific way at a particular time, once I work all the bugs out, it does it.  I wish my life worked that way some times.  I like a good surprise now and then, but I don't like living life wondeing what the next minute will be like.  I have my plans and all the most important points to me are falling apart.  Where will I live?  What will I do?  Who will I know?  What do I do tomorrow?  I just don't know. 

God, give me peace and patience to wait on your timing and clarity when the right opportunities down the road come.  And above all, don't let me screw up my one shot at life too badly.  Amen.

1-Apr-2005

Currently Playing
U2 - The Best of 1990-2000
By U2
see related

26-Mar-2005

New Computer ... Sort of

So, the tech from Dell came yesterday.  Nice guy.  He was from California , and had a few stories about some of the extra work he did in several movies.  He also does animation/special effects, and was talking about how Paramount seems to have dropped off the map for a little while due to financial problems.  He also had a lot of insider info about movies in the works and sequels and such.  It was fun talking to him.  I hear Disney stole Toy Story 3 & 4 out from under Pixar and is working on them both at the same time....  But I can't really prove anything.  I don't have the interest to look up stuff like that on the web to see if any reputable leak sites can substantiate that.

I did the dishes while he took my laptop completely apart just to replace the touch pad.  I tell you, if they had brought in the support techs when they actually designed the case, the techs would have a lot to say about design changes....  He had to first remove the memory panel and memory cards on the bottom, then open up a few other compartments.  After taking off a lot of screws, he had to pull the main body apart and remove the LCD screen to get the palm rest area off (the palm rest is the area surrounding the entire keyboard and touch pad - the top side of the lower portion of the laptop case).  Turns out he replaced the palm rest, keyboard, and touch pad all together.  That was more that I was counting on, but I'm not going to complain.  If he had to replace the screen too, everything I look at when using my laptop would be brand new.  Talk about warranty’s worth.  They even replaced the missing rubber feet and would have replaced any missing screws if there were any absent.  I like this warranty thing.  One tip: if you ever get a laptop, get a Dell and get the full 4 year warranty.  (And don't even talk to me about Macs - PC architecture is sooo much better).  It is two years into my warranty, and I just had all that work done for free.  I have two more years of this, so I'm guessing I'll be getting some more new parts in the next two years.  The thing is, if you take perfect care of any system, it will last for at least three years without servicing , but accidents do happen, and that is what the warranty is for (covering for my stupidity even though I did the best I could to make sure I didn't hurt anything). 

On a related note, I'm thinking about wearing chain male for a while.  I keep shocking the crap out of myself and the 'male would prevent/dissipate a lot of that.

22-Mar-2005

New touch pad

So ESD (Electro-Static Discharge, the official name for the releasing of that charge you build up on a cool, dry day by rubbing some types of cloth in an act such as taking off a jacket) really bites.  I think it is the reason that part of my touch pad on my laptop is no longer working properly.  The thing is, I did everything right.  I took my jacket off and felt a slight charge build up, so I took out my metal pocket knife and walked over to the light switch plate on the wall here in CIT.  I touched the knife to the metal plate to "ground" myself.  Holding metal like that ensures that the transfer point is the end of the knife, not your finger tip and keeps you from feeling that nasty little zap.  Well, it still shocked the heck out of my fingers that wer holding the knife (I guess I should have seen that as a sign that I might still have a charge in me).  So knowing that I should be free of any noticeable charge, I sat back down at my desk and touched the touch pad on my Dell Inspirion 5100.  I though I felt a little zap, but didn't think anything of it until i moved my hand back to that part of the TP, when I noticed that the mouse pointer would almost stop when I was moving through that region.  Dang it.  There goes an hour on the phone with tech support trying to convince the guy on the other end that it isn't software related.  "No I didn't install any new software OR hardware."  "No, reinstalling the drivers doesn't fix it."  "What do you know, it does the same thing in safe mode."  "Nope, resetting the bios to factory defaults doesn't change the fact that I ruined minute electronic circuts with the tineist of charges on my finger tip."  "No, I'm not an ideot.  Is that really one of the questions?"  (That last one was not part of the conversation).  I know a lot of people who don't know as much call in, but can I get some sort of an express phone number or something to talk to someone who will treat me according to the experience I have?  At least I could use the speaker phone and keep working on web pages.  So, the tech is coming out sometime later this week to replace my TP.  I'm getting used to the routine of going through everything for the first 30 minutes of the call.  First you call and sit on hold for about 10 minutes, which is not that bad considering some places will require a wait of hours, (this is a good time to shave or dust your desk).  Then, the guy/gal on the other end will ask if this is involving a previous call - at which point I said no and interrupting his routine described the problem.  He transfered me to another department.  About 3 minutes waiting there.  15 minutes so far.  The next guy gets all my info and asks what's wrong.  Fifteen minutes to go over restarting, safe mode, bios reset, driver reinstall, and disable/enable (not in that order).  If this was my first call, I would have been insulted at the restart question, but it really didn't bother me, because I know that sometimes does actually fix some problems (as rare as the chance is).  I was patient.  So after all that, the guy says "It looks like you have a hardware problem with your touch pad."  At this point I'm tempted to sarcastically say "Is that what the problem was?"  but I know they get enough of that, and they have been really nice to me so far.  Plus, he didn't have as stong an accent as some people I've talked to, so that made me a little more relaxed.  I'm not racist, I'm just lazy in that I don't want to learn another language or have to work hard to understand the other guy.  I'm American in that sense of the steriotype.  So, he gives me the case number,dispatch number, and a 1-800 to call if the tech doesn't contact me in 2 days.  I'm thinking this sounds good.  He types for about 7-8 minutes and then makes sure I don't need anything else.  Nice, all said I'm only on for about 45 minutes, and the tech dispatch just called a little while ago.  I've got an appointment for Friday morning for the guy to stop by my apartment and do the replacement and a number to call if he doesn't show in the 3 hour window.  I could have had it done thursday, but if he showed up while I was in class, that would not have worked, and I'm not skipping class for something little like that.  I know I love my babies (some people have cars, I have computers), but they are not worth my grade.  Besides, I'll have a new baby in a few months to a year, so my commitment to them isn't as strong as it would be to a car or a person.  Understand that once I'm to the point where I have a young woman to call my baby, there isn't anything that will get in the way.  So, that extra my dad put into that warrenty wasn't a complete waste.  And I'm hoping I can get a new screen in 4-6 months (design/manufacturing problem is causing the keypad to rub on the LCD screen, so if something breaks, they'll replace it).

Bye-bye for now

12-Mar-2005

Of blogging and Life

So, we are supposed to have I.C.E. version 3 published on Monday.  But it still needs a lot more work than I have time (or work hours left in this week) to do.  My supervisor mentioned yesterday that we might be pushing back the release date.  I'm not sure what is going to happen because he has been sick the last few days, which isn't helping the situation.  But I do hope he gets better soon.  I also hope that we can release the new version soon.  Right now only time will tell.  I'll try to keep this updated over the next few days, but if y'all don't hear nothin', check on the I.C.E.  It will be out sometime in the next two weeks (I hope).

25-Feb-2005

Currently Playing
Whisper to the Wild Water
By Maire Brennan
see related

23-Feb-2005

Currently Playing
History of Jazz/Big Band Years
By Various Artists
see related

17-Feb-2005

So I'm sitting in class right now (sorry Prof. Lomelino, my only chance to get online this week is during classes).  I don't have time to explain how I'm doing (which is not so well thanks to how busy I am), but I do want to let you all know about a very important event on campus this week and next.

THE SHOW

Starting today through next week TNU's theater department will be playing "School House Rock" based on the famous animated TV series.  Show times are 7:00 pm on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday of this week and next (I also have to run sound for some closed performances for local grade schools during the day on Thursdays and Fridays).  Tickets are $5.00 with your S.L.A.P. card.  So come on out and support your fellow students, the theater program, and the performing arts.  I'll see you all there!

7-Feb-2005

So, does anyone read this?   No comments for a while...

I'm working on the new version of ICE with lots of new upgrades and other cool stuff for the students to use.   I fear that in all our attempts to improve the functionality and usability of the ICE page to attract more people, these new features will only be used in the same way the current version is used: a small portion of educational and beneficial exchange, with a large amount of the activity being people resorting to the lowest forms of communication talking about worthless things and insulting each other in as many creative ways as possible to avoid getting kicked off, but still make it a place where many people choose to not go because of it's total lack of social maturity.   I really hope I have invested the last six months of my life in CIT in a tool to be used for good, not the further degradation of personal actions and community ethics.

This brings up a rather impossible discussion.   How do you get people to be ethical/mature/respectful/kind in the way they communicate with others on a medium you are responsible for maintaining?   I don’t think there is an answer.   These people must each choose to do good or evil themselves.   All you can do is limit the access of those who choose to not abide by established standards.

 

I wish there was something I could do about that.   But I can’t.   I’m not even in charge of restricting access of violators.   I just wish people would respect themselves and others better than they do.

 

In other news, I'm considering another format and install of my laptop OS (Win XP, SP2).  Some times I wish I could throw it out the window, but all will be better soon.  I'm getting a new computer this summer, so all will be well soon, very soon.

 

That's my life in a nutshell right now.  I'm about to get really busy next week, so perhaps I can blog this weekend and then next weekend.  

24-Jan-2005

Yeah, I'm tired.  I haven't been getting the most sleep lately.  I am getting sleep, just not enough.  I've been thinking about too much stuff these days.

I'm waiting to hear back from someone I might be working for this summer, and it has been a week since I wrote him that e-mail.  I'm hoping he got it.  Gonna write another one later today.

I also need to get a car.  I found a nice Ford Mustang '98 with ok mileage and not too expensive, but chances are it was in an accedent or two based on the asking price for what it was equiped with.  My only requirements are a manual transmission and cruise control (for driving out to Denver this summer to work).  I'm also hoping it has good A/C, a CD player would be nice, but I can install that later if need be.  I'm not big on convertables, so that isn't a must.  I would take it though!  And I really don't care about make and model, I just prefere American cars and it has to look like something (I hate some of the new body designs that are coming out).  There goes a good ammout of my savings...

Plus, I'm getting more upset with ITS.  They disabled RDP from the labs to MY dorm (they said all dorms are disabled, but some people I know can do it to their dorms).  On top of that, the desktop I was using for data storage sort of quite the other day.  I can't figure out if it was processor, motherboard, or something else that was stupid.  I turned off "halt on errors" in the basic bios configuration, and when I restarted the machine, it wouldn't work.  I reset the bios to default, even pulled the little battery, but nothing worked.  Now I'm left with a half rate system that can't handle the 80 gig drive I had in the computer that quite.  I hate computers.  I plan to make my living off them, but some times i think about the song "If I Had A Hammer..." and smile to myself.  Forget about hammering out justice or any of those other things.  I'd hammer out a few comuters, and perhaps create a time machine so I could hammer a few people who started some of the trends in the industry.  Oh well... guess I'll just let "progress" be "progress."

That's all for now, folks.

20-Jan-2005

Currently Watching
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
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19-Jan-2005

So, it's been a week since I've updated.  I'm sitting here in the computer labs, class got out 30 minutes ago, but I'm working on some homework.  Not a lot has been happening that is worth talking about.  School is ok, not too many classes.  Keeping up with the readings is going to be hard, but that always is for me.  Work has been exciting.  It slowed down for a little while, and I was getting stuff done, but it was getting boring.  But not the last few days.  I've been working on a project that interrupted my work on the new ICE page, and that is coming along.  I'm almost done with it, and I’ve learned a few new techniques that I'll be using to code future sites.  I've been staying busy working on people's computers, but am going to have to cut back on that because I'm running out of personal time to get homework done.  I need to get on a regular schedule of working out.  I got my hair trimmed last night after doing some computer work for a friend (I like the barter system, saves on taxable income).    Well, the homework I was waiting to finish processing is done, so I’m off to make something of myself.   More to come…

11-Jan-2005

Currently Playing
Hoobastank
By Hoobastank
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6-Jan-2005

How in the world does Xanga not have a currently: Playing (Game) option to tag on as extras?  I want the world to know chances are if I'm posting, I just got done playing Half-Life 2.  That game is so great, even though it still doesn't render quite right.  I think it has something to do with DirectX 9b and my video drivers, which are 2 years old.  And when I tried to update my video drivers from Dell's support site, it crashed my video and I had to restart in safe mode and roll back to my original drivers - loving XP's recovery features, too bad you have to use them so much.  Video drivers tend to crash when you try to update them.  I think my computer is ready for a format and clean install of all drivers (updated ones).

Florida was great.  I got about half the computer stuff sorting done, and even fit in a small lan party and a half hour at the beach (which was very relaxing, and I only took a roll of film while I was there, I normally take more).  Too bad it was overcast, I need work on my tan.

I'm glad to be back in Nashville.  Going out to eat tonight .  I like being able to use the caffeteria being closed as an excuse to go out... and my fridge is empty, gave all the perishables to my sister before I left.  BTW, thanks to CIT for the Christmas gift I'm using to eat out tonight.

Well, I'm trying to keep these shorter.  Just one last thing:

While at home I got really depressed.  For two days I couldn't figure out why, but then it hit me: I'm an 18.5 year old who is a senior in college with a diceased dad and a mom who just got re-married, a brother who is married in another state, a sister who is about to graduate (and is currently dating and looking at places to work when she does graduate).  I have a few possibilities for jobs when I graduate, but nothing is for sure on those.  I'm going to graduate in a year and a half, am not/don't need to be dating, and don't know where I want to live or how God will use me to work what he has called me to.  I was basically terrified that I was this young and winding up to start out on my own in life.  But then I reallized that God has all of that taken care of.  He knows what is best for me and what the future holds, so I don't need to.  I realized that while I do have an effect on my future, I don't need to worry about it.  I can sit back and enjoy the ride we all call life.  I know some one who is taking care of me.  And that is enough to make me content.  I love God so much!!!

1-Jan-2005

Okay, so I'm a few days late.  The early New Year's Eve party Wednesday was a lot of fun, but it took me a while to recover sleep wise.  And I've been busy around here sorting out all Dad's computer stuff.  I sure wish he was here to clean it up.  I don't know what is worth saving and what is useless.  I've decided that software and books for Microsoft products that are older than 2000 are gonna get tossed.  I'm hanging on to the MSDN subscription, and that has a copy of Win 98 in it I can use, but other than that, I'm dumping all the old books and that stuff.  There is just too much to sort through properly.  I found a good ASP book, a book on Win XP Pro, some other things on networking and security...  but most of the stuff is old or duplicate (he bought a lot of HTML books the last few years, I use the web to look up all that stuff).  I sure miss how into computers he was.

I got Half Life 2 yesterday for $30.  As expected, it is an amazing game.  Now I just need to buy a gaming computer to go along with it.  My Inspiron 5100 meets minimum reqirements, and the graphics are great even on the low settings I have to use, but there is a rendering problem with my system settings, because all the people in the game show up as black shapes with no texture.  I found some online guides that tell you how to tweak your system and hardware settings, so I'm gonna take a few days back at school to back up my system and try to get it all running smoothly.  I would rather buy a good gaming system, but I don't have an extra grand to throw down right now.  Oh, btw, if you turn on and then off the flashlight in game (once you get one) that fixes the render problem, but the flashight itself doesn't actually render as a light source....  I can't wait to be a rich computer programmer some day.

I also got an external enclosure for the 120 GB harddrive I bought last semester.  It is very cool with a blue power light on one side, and an orange activity light on the other side.  Looks very cool in a dark room, and runs nice and fast.  I had problems getting the drive to show up at first, but the realized it wasn't a problem.  The guy I bought the drive from (I thought) said it was formatted and all, but I had to partition and format it.  So there were no actual problems.  Cool beans!

So, I know most of you won't read this far because I just spent three paragraphs completely losing you with computer talk.  But hey, you are gonna have to live with that from time to time.  I'm not the only computer geek out there, so I put up posts like this so they have something to read on their level technically.

Write ya lata all y'all